Parody site, just for fun. Robots doing martial arts for entertainment only. This is not a martial arts course, so please don't try the moves. Read the disclaimer
Strikes 0, clean 0, best run 0, blocks 0, dodges 0
Strikes 0, arms 0, legs 0, best run 0
Strikes 0, on the bag 0, best run 0, hardest 0 kN
How to play
Move with the arrow keys, the joystick on the stage or a gamepad. Strike as often as you like and chain kicks and punches into combos; Uke blocks and dodges a move it has just seen, with the same defences you have (watch what it does), so mix them up. The combo buttons (Shift and a digit, or Shift and - = [ ] \ for the advanced ones) throw a whole combination with one press, each move following straight on from the last. The master moves are on the numeric keypad, with Num Lock on. Every few seconds Uke attacks: the stage names the strike and says where it goes (“Head kick!”) as Uke steps in, and the Block, Dodge and Bend buttons light up, so there is time to read it and pick a defence that works against it. A defence pressed while the strike is still coming waits for it; press so early that it can’t be in its window and the stage says “Too early!”, with time to throw it again. Block high for strikes to the head and Block low for the body or legs, any time before the hit: it takes a little damage, but a third block in a row gets broken. Cover up stops anything, but lets through twice as much. Parry turns a punch or an elbow aside, not a kick or a knee, at the very last moment. Just before the hit, Step back gets you out of reach of anything; Duck goes under a strike to the head, but not an uppercut; Slip steps off the line of a strike that comes straight in, but not a hook or a roundhouse; Bend over goes under a hook or a roundhouse to the head (the most points); Lean back takes your head away from a strike to the head that comes straight in or up, but not one that swings. A parry, duck, slip or bend that works makes your next strike land for sure, and a wrong one lets the hit through. Uke notices the defence you use most. Every block, dodge and bend works whenever you press it, even with nothing coming. Hits, blocks and dodges score points. Each round lasts a minute of fighting: knock Uke out to win it at once, by K.O. When time runs out, three judges at ringside hold up their scorecards: each looks for something a little different (clean hits and the damage they do, knockdowns, strikes blocked or dodged, strikes thrown), and the round goes on points to the fighter at least two of them give it to. Win two rounds to win the match. Levels: Uke wears the level’s belt, from white to black; up the belts it is tougher, hits harder, attacks sooner, gives you less time to dodge, learns flashier kicks, punches, elbows and jumps and strings more of them into combinations, often ones it makes up on the spot, so defend each strike of one. From the yellow belt up it also fights each round to a game plan (the prompt says which: boxing, kicking, in close or flying) and changes it when your defence keeps working, hits straight back when it blocks or dodges your strike, and now and then waits a beat in the middle of a combination, so don’t defend too soon. Win a match to go on to the next level. Practice has no health, rounds or score, and Uke doesn’t attack on its own: choose Uke attacks whenever you want to practise blocking and dodging, or, under Train with, No opponent to train on your own, striking into the air, or a punching bag: a heavy bag, a Thai bag for low kicks, a standing bag, a double-end bag, a speed bag or Bob the dummy. Walk round the bag and strike it: it swings, rocks or rattles, and the stage shows how fast and how hard each strike was. Every match opens with the walk to the ring, each fighter with its trainer and team, a weigh-in and a weapons check, Ref patting each fighter down after Hugh puts his mouthguard in (press a strike to skip them). Your health bar is your battery: a round ends with whatever is left in it, and between rounds your trainer comes over with advice while your crew plugs you in (Hugh gets a drink) and charges it back to full. After the match the two fighters hug and talk before the medal. With the stick at rest the fighters keep circling each other. The fight runs at three times the pace of the step-by-step lessons — moves, strikes and footwork alike — so the Speed chips and Slow motion are there to slow it down.
A cartoon game for fun. Please don’t try any of it on a real person, human or otherwise.
For entertainment only. Robots, parody and cartoon physics. It's not a lesson or advice, so don't copy the moves or kick anyone. Disclaimer
Paused after 1 minute
1/5Guard
Torisensei
Uke sparring partner
Foot speed
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Impact, est.
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Result
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Drag to turn the camera
ToriYou100100%
0
Round 1
1:00
100100%White belt Uke
0
You win!
Block
Dodge
Bend
Front kickMae geri
Tori demonstrates
More options
Guard. Tori raises its fists and parks the rear one at its chin.
Shoot. The lead fist fires straight down the middle as the lead foot slides a little forward.
Land. The arm reaches almost straight and the knuckles tap Uke's head guard.
Snap back. The fist zips back along the same line before Uke can grab it.
Reset. The feet slide back into the stance and the fists go up again.
Guard. Fists up, weight centred, visor locked on Uke.
Pivot. The rear heel turns, the hips swing round and the rear fist launches.
Land. The rear fist lands on Uke's head guard with the whole robot behind it.
Return. The fist travels straight back to the chin.
Reset. The rear heel goes down and Tori is square in its stance again.
Guard. Hands up, weight centred.
Load. A tiny shift onto the lead leg as the lead elbow lifts. Tiny, so Uke won't notice. Uke notices.
Swing. The lead foot pivots, the hips turn and the bent arm swings round with the body.
Land. The forearm is level and the knuckles clang on the side of Uke's helmet.
Return. The body turns back and the fist heads home by the shortest route.
Reset. The lead heel goes down and Tori acts like nothing happened.
Guard. Fists up, knees soft.
Dip. Tori sinks a little and drops its rear fist to chest height, like a robot checking under the sofa.
Drive. The legs push up and the rear fist rises straight up the middle.
Land. The fist arrives under Uke's chin plate. Uke's visor briefly inspects the ceiling.
Return. The fist drops straight back to the chin.
Reset. Guard up, back in the stance.
Guard. Fists up. Tori looks innocent.
Slip. Tori's head dips off the line, dodging a jab nobody threw, as the rear fist starts to rise.
Loop. The rear fist loops up and over the top with the elbow high.
Land. The fist comes down over Uke's shoulder onto the side of its helmet.
Follow through. The fist carries on down and across as the body finishes turning.
Reset. Tori comes back up into its stance, guard high.
Guard. Fists up. Uke's gloves are high, guarding its helmet.
Drop. Tori bends its knees and sinks until its shoulders are level with Uke's ribs.
Swing. The lead heel pivots and the bent lead arm swings round with the body.
Land. The fist thuds into Uke's side armour, under its raised elbow.
Return. The fist comes back up to the guard as Tori turns back.
Reset. Tori straightens its knees and is back in its stance.
Guard. Fists up, visor on Uke.
Reach. Tori reaches for Uke's shoulders and grabs two handfuls of air.
Drive. The hands pull down, the hips push forward and the rear knee rises.
Land. The knee thuds into the plate on Uke's stomach.
Drop. The knee comes down and the foot heads back.
Reset. Rear foot down, guard up.
Guard. Fists up, close enough to smell Uke's oil.
Load. The lead foot slides in and the rear elbow lifts, fist by the ear.
Swing. The hips turn and carry the folded arm round.
Land. The point of the elbow clangs on the side of Uke's helmet.
Follow through. The turn carries on a little past the helmet.
Reset. Tori turns back into its stance.
Guard. Fists up. Tori measures the ceiling.
Crouch. Knees bend, arms drop, pneumatics hiss.
Jump. Both feet leave the mat and the lead knee tucks up.
Kick. At the top of the jump the rear leg snaps out onto Uke's chest plate.
Land. Tori comes down a step forward, knees soft.
Reset. Tori shuffles back to its spot.
Guard. Fists up. Uke glances upwards, just in case.
Crouch. Knees bend. Something inside Tori whirs ominously.
Launch. Tori springs forward and starts to turn sideways in the air.
Chamber. The lead knee tucks and the rear heel lines up on Uke.
Thrust. The heel drives out in a straight line. Tori is briefly horizontal.
Land. Tori lands facing Uke, somehow on its feet.
Reset. Tori walks back to its spot.
Guard. Fists up. Cape not included.
Fake. The rear knee pops up as if a knee strike is coming.
Launch. The rear leg kicks back and Tori springs off its lead foot.
Land. Flying forward, Tori lands the rear fist on Uke's helmet.
Touchdown. The lead foot lands, then the rear foot.
Reset. Tori steps back to its spot.
Guard. Fists up, knees soft.
Sink. Tori drops low with its rear fist by its hip.
Rise. The legs fire and Tori drives straight up.
Land. On the way up, the rear fist arrives under Uke's chin plate.
Top. Tori keeps rising, fist to the ceiling.
Touchdown. Both feet land, knees bent.
Reset. Guard up, back in the stance.
Guard. Fists up. Tori looks at Uke, then at the ceiling, then back at Uke.
Lift. The rear heel peels off the mat and the rear leg starts to swing out and up.
Raise. The leg keeps rising, almost straight, until the foot is higher than Tori's head. Flexibility module: maxed out.
Chop. The leg comes down like a closing drawbridge and the heel lands on top of Uke's chest protector, right by the collarbone.
Recoil. The knee folds out to the side and the foot drops away before Uke can file a complaint.
Return. The rear foot goes back to its spot and the guard goes up, as if nothing ever left the ground.
Guard. Fists up. Tori studies Uke's thighs the way a lumberjack studies a tree.
Step. The lead foot steps out at an angle and turns out, and the weight settles onto it.
Swing. The hips turn over and the rear leg swings round low and almost straight, like a bat. The rear arm swings down for balance.
Land. The shin thuds into the outside of Uke's thigh. Uke's knee briefly forgets what it was doing.
Recoil. The leg bounces off the thigh and swings back the way it came.
Return. The rear foot lands, the lead foot steps back in and the guard goes up again.
Guard. Fists up. Tori politely waits for Uke to stand in the way.
Shift. The weight rocks back onto the rear leg, freeing the lead foot.
Chamber. The lead knee comes up high with the toes pulled back, like a robot about to open a stuck door with its foot.
Shove. The hips drive forward and the sole of the lead foot shoves into Uke's stomach plate while Tori leans back. Uke shifts into reverse.
Recoil. The lead leg folds back in while Uke staggers off down the mat.
Return. The lead foot goes down in front and Tori acts like it was only holding the door.
Guard. Fists up. Tori turns side-on, which it believes makes it look taller.
Cock. The lead elbow points at Uke and the lead fist curls up beside its own head, knuckles to the ceiling.
Flick. The lead foot slides in and the forearm whips up and over, like a robot shaking a stuck thermometer.
Land. The back of the knuckles raps the brow of Uke's helmet. Knock, knock.
Snap back. The fist is back up beside the head before Uke can ask who's there.
Reset. The lead foot slides home and the guard goes back up.
Guard. Fists up. Tori quietly checks there is room to turn round.
Turn. Tori pivots on its lead foot and shows Uke its back. Very rude, and completely on purpose.
Spot. The rear leg tucks up, the rear fist waits by the chest and Tori finds Uke over its rear shoulder.
Land. The rear arm swings round and the back of the fist clangs on the side of Uke's helmet.
Snap back. The fist folds back in while the spin carries on without asking.
Unwind. Tori finishes the lap, sets the rear foot down and faces Uke as if nothing unusual happened.
Guard. Fists up. Uke leans in with a polite little bow.
Raise. Tori does not bow back. The rear fist goes straight up, thumb first, as if Tori has a question.
Drop. The fist comes down in front of the rear shoulder while the lead hand pulls back to the hip.
Land. The little-finger edge of the fist bonks the top of Uke's helmet, like a robot testing a melon.
Sink. Tori's knees soften and the fist sinks a little further, just to be sure.
Reset. The fists come back up and Tori straightens, looking pleased with itself.
Guard. Fists up. Tori stares at Uke's chest plate like it owes it money.
Load. Tori sinks onto its lead leg and the rear heel peels off the mat.
Spring. The lead foot pushes off, the rear knee rockets up and both hands reach out.
Knee. At the top of the jump the rear knee clangs into Uke's chest plate, gloves hovering at Uke's shoulders.
Touchdown. Tori bounces off the plate and lands lead foot first, suspension set to soft.
Reset. Two steps back to its spot, as if nothing happened.
Guard. Fists up. Tori runs a quick gyroscope check.
Step. The rear foot swings across in front and Tori turns its back on Uke. Rude, but temporary.
Lift. The lead knee swings up and round, and Tori springs off the foot that stepped, still turning.
Whip. A full turn later that same leg whips round and the instep lands on the side of Uke's helmet.
Land. The leg folds back, the hips unwind and Tori lands lead foot first, facing Uke again.
Reset. Tori walks back to its spot and waits for the room to stop spinning.
Guard. Fists up, rear-view camera on.
Turn. The lead foot pivots and Tori turns its back, peering at Uke over its shoulder.
Jump. Tori sinks on the lead leg, springs off it and folds the rear knee up to its chest.
Thrust. In mid-air the rear heel drives straight back into Uke's chest plate. Reverse gear engaged.
Land. Lead foot first, then Tori turns back the way it came to face Uke.
Reset. Tori shuffles back to its spot, facing the right way round.
Guard. Fists up. Tori draws a half-moon in the air with its visor, for practice.
Lift. The rear heel peels off and the rear leg swings forward and across, almost straight, like a windscreen wiper warming up.
Arc. The leg keeps rising past the lead shoulder and over the top, while the rear arm swings down out of its way.
Sweep. On the way down, the outer edge of the foot swipes across the side of Uke's helmet. Wiper setting: fast.
Follow through. The leg carries on outwards and the knee folds as the foot drops.
Return. The rear foot lands back on its spot and the guard goes up, windscreen spotless.
Guard. Fists up. Tori studies the space just beside Uke's head with great interest.
Pivot. The rear foot slides up and turns, and Tori turns side-on to Uke.
Chamber. The lead knee comes up and Tori leans away, like a robot peeking round a door.
Extend. The lead leg shoots out and misses Uke's head on purpose. Uke relaxes. Mistake.
Hook. The knee snaps bent and the back of the heel hooks into the side of Uke's helmet on the way back.
Return. The lead foot comes down in front, the rear foot slides back and Tori acts as if it missed.
Guard. Fists up. Tori looks like it has a question. It does.
Feint. The rear knee comes straight up the middle as if a front kick is heading for Uke's stomach plate. Uke's stomach plate braces itself.
Turn. The lead foot pivots, the hips turn over and the knee rises, the foot curling up over the top.
Drop. The foot comes down onto the side of Uke's helmet from above, instep first. That was the question.
Recoil. The knee folds and the foot heads back before Uke can work out the answer.
Return. The rear foot lands on its spot and Tori looks as if it never asked anything.
Guard. Fists up. Tori flexes its fingers one by one, just to hear them click.
Cock. The rear hand opens flat and rises beside the rear ear while the lead hand reaches out, like a robot about to slice an invisible loaf.
Swing. The lead foot slides in, the hips turn and the flat hand sweeps round, palm up.
Land. The little-finger edge of the hand chops into the side of Uke's helmet, just above the neck. Hi-yah, in binary.
Follow through. The hand carries on a little further and sinks, as if the loaf was stale.
Reset. The hand closes into a fist again and the guard goes up.
Guard. Fists up. Tori is about to wave, but not in a friendly way.
Open. The rear hand opens beside the rear shoulder, fingers up and palm forward, like a robot saying "stop".
Drive. The lead foot slides in, the hips turn and the open hand drives straight out, fingers still pointing at the ceiling.
Land. The heel of the palm lands on the bottom of Uke's visor. Uke stops.
Return. The hand comes straight back and curls into a fist again.
Reset. The lead foot slides home and the guard goes back up.
Guard. Fists up. Tori has two fists and sees no reason to use only one.
Load. Both fists swing back to the hips, palms up, like a robot about to push a very heavy trolley.
Drive. The lead foot steps in, the hips square up and both fists fire out together.
Land. Both fists thump into Uke's chest plate at once, one either side of the target circle. Double the clang.
Return. Both fists come back up to the guard.
Reset. The lead foot steps back and Tori is square in its stance again.
Guard. Fists up. Tori counts to 540 in its head. It takes a while.
Turn. Tori pivots on its lead foot and turns its back on Uke while the rear knee swings round and up.
Jump. With its back still to Uke, Tori springs off the pivot foot and keeps turning in the air.
Chamber. Facing Uke again in mid-air, Tori folds the lead knee up, ready.
Whip. The lead leg whips round and the instep lands on the side of Uke's helmet. One and a half turns, one kick.
Land. Tori comes down on the kicking foot first, then the other, gyroscopes spinning down.
Reset. Tori walks back to its spot and pretends it isn't dizzy at all.
Guard. Fists up. Tori has two feet and plans to use both before it lands.
Crouch. Knees bend and the pneumatics hiss.
First kick. Tori springs up and the rear foot snaps up just short of Uke's stomach plate. That one was the warm-up.
Switch. In mid-air the rear leg drops back as the lead knee comes up. Legs swapped at no extra charge.
Second kick. The lead foot snaps up under Uke's chin, ball of the foot first.
Land. Tori lands rear foot first, then the lead foot, a step further on than it took off.
Reset. Tori shuffles back to its spot.
Guard. Fists up. Tori sways a little, trying to look like it plays capoeira.
Turn. Tori pivots on its lead foot and turns its back on Uke.
Fold. It folds right over, hands reaching for the mat, and peers at Uke past its own hip. The rear leg starts to rise behind it.
Swing. The turn carries the straight leg up and round overhead, like one arm of a drawing compass.
Land. The back of the heel sweeps across the side of Uke's helmet. Circle drawn.
Follow through. The leg carries on round and down on the far side.
Rise. The rear foot lands and Tori comes up facing Uke, the right way up again.
Guard. Fists up. Tori studies Uke's ankles with professional interest.
Drop. Tori drops into a deep crouch on its lead leg, puts both hands on the mat and slides the rear leg out straight behind it.
Sweep. Pivoting on the lead foot, it spins round backwards, the straight leg skimming along the mat like a windscreen wiper for floors.
Land. The back of the heel clips the outside of Uke's lead ankle. Uke's balance module files an error report.
Spin. The spin carries on round and the leg folds in.
Rise. The rear foot comes down and Tori stands up facing Uke, dusting off its hands.
Guard. Fists up. Tori checks the height of the ceiling, then checks it again.
Crouch. The feet come together, the knees bend and the arms swing back.
Flip. Tori springs up and forward, tucks its chin and goes head first over the top, legs straight together.
Over. Upside down in mid-air, both heels rise over Tori like a pair of drumsticks.
Chop. The heels come down on the top of Uke's chest protector, by the collarbone. That was the thunder.
Tuck. Tori bounces back off Uke, tucks its knees and keeps turning.
Land. Both feet land together, knees deep. Tori is the right way up, mostly on purpose.
Reset. Tori steps back into its stance and waits for its gyroscope to stop ringing.
Guard. Fists up. Tori stands very close to Uke. Uncomfortably close.
Reach. The rear fist reaches out, turned upright, and stops one inch from Uke's chest plate. Tori measured it twice.
Calibrate. Tori holds perfectly still and works out the distance to four decimal places.
Jolt. The whole robot jolts at once, knees, hips, rear heel and fist, and the fist covers the inch.
Hold. Uke travels a long way back for such a short punch. Tori holds the pose, because it has seen the films.
Reset. The fist comes back and Tori settles into its stance.
Guard. Fists up. Tori hums a tune from an old boxing newsreel.
Crouch. Knees bent, fists by the cheeks, chin tucked behind the gloves.
Weave. Tori dips under and rises to the lead side, its head tracing half a figure of eight.
Feint. The lead hook whips across just short of Uke's visor. It was meant to miss. Probably.
Roll. Tori dips under the other way and rises on the rear side. Figure of eight complete.
Land. The rear hook swings round onto the side of Uke's helmet.
Reset. Tori stands up out of the crouch and puts its guard back up.
Guard. Fists up. Tori has been watching nature documentaries.
Crouch. Tori sinks into a deep crouch behind its gloves, springs loaded.
Leap. Both feet push off and Tori bounds forward and up like a gazelle, the lead fist drawn back.
Land. At the top of the leap the lead hook lands on the side of Uke's helmet.
Touchdown. Tori lands lead foot first, knees soaking it up.
Reset. Tori walks back to its spot, a little less gazelle than before.
Guard. Fists up. Tori looks at its rear arm and has an idea.
Raise. The rear arm goes straight up, as if Tori knows the answer.
Windmill. The arm swings round in a full circle beside Tori, back, down, forward and up, like a propeller. Uke watches it go round.
Swing. Second time round it's faster: the fist drops back and down, and Tori sinks and turns into it.
Land. While Uke is still watching the propeller, the fist comes up from below into Uke's stomach plate.
Reset. The arm comes back to the guard, propeller parked.
Guard. Fists up. Tori straightens its fingers one by one and checks they are all there.
Chamber. The rear hand drops to the hip, open and palm up, and the lead hand reaches out flat.
Thrust. The lead foot slides in, the lead hand snaps back to the hip and the rear hand drives out, fingers straight and together.
Land. The fingertips land on the bottom of Uke's chest plate. A very pointed remark.
Return. The hand comes back and closes into a fist again.
Reset. The lead foot slides home and the guard goes back up.
Guard. Fists up, visor on Uke's chin.
Sink. The knees bend, the lead foot slides in and the rear elbow drops to the ribs.
Drive. The legs straighten and the rear heel lifts, driving the elbow up in front of the rear shoulder.
Land. The point of the elbow rises into Uke's chin, the forearm standing straight up past Tori's own visor.
Follow through. The elbow keeps rising and Tori leans back a little to keep its head clear.
Reset. The arm comes down to the guard and the lead foot slides back.
Guard. Fists up. Uke bows politely, which is a mistake.
Raise. Tori stands tall and lifts the rear elbow up beside its helmet, the forearm hanging in front of its visor.
Drop. The rear hip turns through and the elbow chops straight down.
Land. The point of the elbow clonks onto the top of Uke's helmet.
Sink. Tori drops its weight and the elbow follows through.
Reset. The arm comes back up to the guard and Tori straightens.
Guard. Fists up. Tori considers turning its back on Uke.
Turn. Tori pivots on the lead foot and the rear leg steps across behind it.
Spot. The head whips round first and spots Uke over the rear shoulder, the rear fist folded by the ear, elbow pointing back.
Land. The spin whips the point of the elbow into the side of Uke's helmet.
Follow through. The spin carries on past the helmet.
Unwind. The rear foot comes down and Tori finishes the turn back in its stance.
Guard. Fists up. Tori limbers up its ankle actuators.
Switch. Tori sinks and hops, and the feet trade places in mid-air: lead foot back, rear foot front.
Pivot. The new front foot turns out, the hips start to turn over and the back leg comes up and round, knee first.
Whip. The hips snap through and the instep cracks into the side of Uke's chest protector.
Recoil. The knee folds and the foot snaps back the way it came.
Land. The kicking foot drops back in front and the other slides back: the old stance, as if nothing happened.
Guard. Fists up. Tori eyes Uke's lead knee with some interest.
Shift. Tori rocks its weight back onto the rear leg.
Chamber. The lead knee rises, turned out a little, toes pulled up, rear fist tucked at the chin.
Stamp. The lead foot shoots out forwards and down, heel first, and jams into the front of Uke's lead thigh, just above the knee.
Recoil. The foot holds for a beat, then comes back the way it went.
Return. The lead foot sets down in front and the guard is back.
Guard. Fists up. Tori checks the arc on its hip joint is fully unlocked.
Lift. The rear heel peels up and the rear leg swings out wide, the rear arm getting out of its way.
Arc. The leg rises almost straight, wide and high, up past Uke's shoulder.
Sweep. The leg sweeps in across the front and the inside edge of the foot slaps across the side of Uke's helmet.
Follow through. The foot carries on across, still high, and the rear fist comes back to the chin.
Return. The knee folds, the foot comes back down behind and Tori settles into its stance.
Guard. Fists up. Uke's gloves are high by its helmet, guarding the top floor only.
Dip. Tori sinks and leans to its lead side, elbow tucked to the hip, fist turned palm up, like a robot about to dig for treasure.
Scoop. The lead heel pivots and the fist comes in low, then shovels up and in, the elbow still glued to the ribs.
Land. The fist digs into the side of Uke's body, just under its chest protector. Excavation complete.
Return. The fist comes back up to the guard as Tori turns back.
Reset. Tori straightens its knees and is back in its stance.
Guard. Fists up. Tori checks its wrist bearings are freshly oiled.
Pivot. The rear heel turns, the hips swing round hard and the rear fist launches straight at Uke.
Turn. As the arm straightens, the fist keeps turning past palm down and the elbow rolls up and out.
Land. The fist lands on Uke's chin, thumb down, twisting in like a screwdriver on its last quarter turn.
Return. The fist unwinds on its way straight back to the chin.
Reset. The rear heel goes down and Tori is square in its stance again.
Guard. Fists up. Tori flattens its rear hand and folds its thumb away, just in case.
Open. The rear hand opens palm down and swings out wide at shoulder height, like a robot waving to someone behind it.
Sweep. The lead foot slides in, the hips turn and the flat hand sweeps round in a wide, level arc, thumb side first.
Land. The index-finger edge lands on the side of Uke's helmet, just above the neck: the karate chop's other edge.
Follow through. The hand carries on a little past the helmet and sinks.
Reset. The hand closes into a fist again and the guard goes up.
Guard. Fists up, servos humming.
Crouch. Knees bend, arms drop, pneumatics hiss.
Feint. Tori springs off both feet and the lead knee pops up, as if a front kick were coming.
Switch. In mid-air the lead leg drops, the hips turn over and the rear knee swings up and round.
Whip. At the top of the jump the rear leg snaps out and the instep smacks the side of Uke's helmet.
Land. Lead foot down first, then the rear, knees soaking up the drop.
Reset. Two little shuffles carry Tori back to its spot, guard up.
Guard. Fists up, servos humming.
Step. The lead foot slides in, Tori sinks onto it and the rear elbow cocks.
Spring. Off the lead foot: the rear knee drives up and the elbow climbs above the head.
Top. At the peak of the leap the knee is high and the elbow points at the ceiling.
Drop. The elbow comes down over the top onto Uke's helmet as the legs fall away.
Land. Both feet hit the mat together, knees soaking it up.
Reset. Two little shuffles back to the spot, guard up.
Guard. Fists up, servos humming.
Rock. Weight rolls onto the lead foot and the rear heel peels off the mat.
Hop. Tori springs off the lead foot as the rear leg sweeps up almost straight.
Raise. In the air, the heel goes up past Tori's own head.
Chop. The hips drive forward and the heel falls onto the top of Uke's helmet.
Land. Lead foot down, then the kicking leg, knees soaking it up.
Reset. Two little shuffles back to the spot, guard up.
Guard. Fists up. Tori has two roundhouse kicks loaded and one rear leg to fire them with.
Pivot. The lead foot pivots, the hips start to turn over and the rear knee comes up, chambered.
Feint. The first roundhouse whips at Uke's ribs and stops a hand's width short. Uke's ribs brace for nothing.
Re-chamber. Without touching down, the knee snaps back up, higher this time.
Whip. The hips turn right over and the second one cracks onto the side of Uke's helmet, instep first.
Recoil. The knee folds and the foot snaps back the way it came.
Return. The rear foot finally touches down on its spot. Two kicks, one landing.
Guard. Fists up. Tori hums a berimbau tune it downloaded this morning.
Step. The lead foot steps across in front, toes turned in, as if Tori has lost its way.
Turn. Tori pivots on that foot and turns its back on Uke, the rear leg rising in front of it.
Arc. The turn swings the straight leg up and round in a huge arc, high over Uke's helmet.
Sweep. The outer edge of the foot comes down across the side of Uke's helmet. Full circle, full stop.
Follow through. The leg carries on round and down on the far side as the turn runs out.
Land. The rear foot lands, the lead foot steps back out and Tori faces Uke again, one whole turn later.
Guard. Fists up. Tori once watched a gymnastics final and took notes.
Turn. Tori turns side-on to Uke and throws both arms up, like a gymnast saluting the judges.
Reach. It lunges towards Uke and plants the lead fist on the mat.
Over. The rear leg swings up and over, the other fist lands, and Tori is upside down on its gloves.
Kick. Upside down, the rear knee folds towards Uke and the heel drives into Uke's chest protector.
Hold. Tori stays up for a beat, legs wide, so the crowd can take pictures.
Back. Then it rolls back down the way it went, lead foot first. Half a cartwheel, fully intended.
Reset. Tori stands up, turns back to face Uke and settles into its stance.
Guard. Fists up. Uke bows politely again. It never learns.
Spin. Tori pivots on its lead foot and turns its back on Uke, the rear foot leaving the mat.
Raise. As the turn comes round, the straight rear leg swings up past Tori's own head, the rear fist tucked at its hip out of the way.
Top. Facing Uke again, the heel hangs at the top of the arc, higher than anyone's helmet.
Chop. The heel chops down onto the top of Uke's bowed helmet. Top-loading.
Recoil. The leg drops away and Tori leans back, lead fist up, before Uke can bow again.
Land. The rear fist comes back up and the rear foot lands on its spot, a full turn after it left.
Guard. Fists up. Tori has been studying farm animals.
Turn. Tori pivots on its lead foot and turns its back on Uke, the rear foot swinging round beside the lead one.
Fold. It folds right over and plants both fists on the mat, like a robot looking for a dropped screw.
Tuck. The weight goes onto the fists and both knees tuck up under Tori.
Kick. Both heels drive back together into Uke's chest protector, one either side of the target circle. Hee-haw.
Land. The knees fold back in and the feet come down under Tori.
Spring. Tori springs up off its fists and straightens.
Turn round. It turns back round to face Uke, trying not to look smug.
Guard. Fists up. Tori has been reading up on carpentry.
Turn. Tori pivots on its lead foot and turns its back on Uke, the rear leg tucked up behind.
Spot. The head whips round first and finds Uke over the rear shoulder, and the rear fist goes up like a hammer.
Land. The arm swings round almost straight and the little-finger edge of the fist lands flat on the side of Uke's helmet. Nail, meet hammer.
Follow through. The fist bounces back in while the spin carries on without it.
Unwind. The rear foot comes down and Tori finishes the lap facing Uke, one whole turn later.
Guard. Fists up. Tori has worked out that six punches beat one.
Square up. The hips turn square to Uke, the knees bend and both fists come to the middle, upright, one behind the other.
Flurry. Tori slides in behind six straight punches down the centre line, lead and rear in turn, each fist rolling out over the other like a bicycle pedalled by hand.
Land. Five stop a finger's width short of Uke's chest plate. The rear fist hangs back a beat, then goes through where the other five stopped.
Return. Both fists come back up to the guard, slightly warm.
Reset. Tori slides back to its spot and turns side-on again.
Guard. Fists up. Uke comes in leaning forward, in a bit of a hurry.
Load. A little weight onto the lead leg, the lead elbow lifts and the lead heel starts to turn.
Land. The lead hook lands on the side of Uke's helmet as Tori pivots on the ball of its lead foot.
Pivot. The rear foot swings round behind and Tori turns out of Uke's way, like a revolving door with fists.
Step back. The rear foot swings back and Tori faces Uke again.
Reset. Tori is square in its stance on its spot again, as if nothing happened.
Guard. Fists up. Tori has downloaded a documentary about tigers.
Claw. Tori sinks low and curls both hands into claws, the lead claw out at eye level and the rear one drawn back: its best tiger impression.
Pounce. The lead foot slides in, the hips turn and the rear claw drives up and out.
Land. The heel of the palm lands high on Uke's chest plate, the fingers curled like claws.
Rake. The claw rakes down Uke's chest plate and closes, leaving four very faint scratches.
Reset. The claws turn back into fists and the guard goes up. Tori purrs. Probably.
Guard. Fists up. Uke leans right over to admire Tori's belt.
Reach. Tori steps in and reaches both hands up over Uke's helmet.
Clasp. Both hands come down onto the back of Uke's helmet, side by side, and hold on.
Drive. Tori leans back, drives its hips forward and the rear knee comes up.
Land. The knee thuds into Uke's chest protector while the hands keep Uke's head exactly where it was.
Release. Tori lets go as Uke goes backwards, and the rear foot comes down.
Reset. Tori steps back to its spot, guard up, and pretends that was a hug.
Guard. Fists up. Tori has been watching wushu videos at double speed.
Step. The lead foot steps in and turns out, and the arms wind up to the rear side.
Take-off. The hips come round, the body tips forward until it is flat, and the rear leg swings up behind as Tori springs off the lead foot.
Spin. Face down, arms out, Tori spins flat through the air with its legs split behind it like a butterfly's wings. A very heavy butterfly.
Kick. The rear leg rides high over Uke's helmet and the trailing lead heel catches the side of it.
Land. Tori rights itself and lands rear foot first, then the lead foot, facing Uke again.
Reset. Two little shuffles back to its spot, while the gyroscope catches up.
Guard. Fists up. Tori has done the maths: two full turns, one kick.
Pivot. Tori pivots on its lead foot and turns its back on Uke while the rear knee swings round and up.
Spring. With its back still to Uke, Tori springs off the pivot foot.
Spin. Tucked up tight like a figure skater, it turns twice round in the air, its head snapping round to find Uke each time.
Unfold. Over the last half turn the rear leg unfolds out to the side and the spin slows.
Hook. The back of the heel hooks into the side of Uke's helmet. Seven hundred and twenty degrees, delivered.
Land. Tori comes down on the lead foot, then the rear foot.
Reset. Tori shuffles back to its spot and waits for the arena to stop turning.
Guard. Fists up. Tori measures Uke for a pair of scissors.
Crouch. The knees bend and the arms swing back.
Leap. Both feet push off and Tori springs up at Uke, fists by its chin.
Chamber. At the top of the leap Tori leans back and draws both knees up to its chest.
Scissor. Both feet shoot out together, one high and one low: the rear foot onto the top of Uke's chest protector, the lead foot onto its stomach plate.
Snap. Tori bounces off and its legs snap shut like the blades of a pair of scissors. Snip.
Land. It drops back onto both feet, knees soaking it up.
Reset. Two little shuffles back to its spot, guard up.
Guard. Fists up. Tori has decided the spinning backfist needs more air.
Wind. Tori sinks onto its lead foot as its hips wind round, and the rear foot leaves the mat.
Hop. It hops off the lead foot into the turn, the rear knee driving round and up.
Spot. Turning through the air, Tori spots Uke over its rear shoulder, and the rear arm unfolds, elbow first.
Land. At the top of the jump the back of the rear fist whips round onto the side of Uke's helmet.
Snap. The fist snaps back and the turn carries on.
Touchdown. Tori lands lead foot first, then the rear foot, facing Uke again.
Reset. Two little shuffles back to its spot, guard up.
Guard. Fists up. Tori polishes the point of its rear elbow.
Step. The lead foot steps well in and the hips start to turn.
Turn. Tori pivots on the lead foot and turns its back, the rear knee swinging round and up.
Spring. It springs off the lead foot and flies in, the rear elbow coming up.
Spot. In mid-air the head whips round and spots Uke over the rear shoulder, the elbow pointing back.
Land. At the top of the jump the spin whips the point of the elbow into the side of Uke's helmet.
Follow through. The spin carries on past the helmet as Tori drops.
Touchdown. Tori lands lead foot first, then the rear foot, back round to face Uke.
Reset. Two little shuffles back to its spot, guard up.
Why robots?
Why robots make the best (fake) sensei
They never get tired
Tori will show the same kick ten thousand times without sweating, complaining or asking for a water break.
They freeze on command
Slow motion down to ¼×, a scrubber and a freeze on every step. Watch the microchips hang in the air. Try that with a human.
Nobody gets hurt
Both robots are made of spare parts and good intentions. Every chip that flies off either of them gets swept up and soldered back on after class.
The kick catalogue
Five famous kicks, performed by robots
The names are borrowed from karate (Japanese) and taekwondo (Korean) for fun. Tori's versions are robot cartoons: simplified, exaggerated and tuned for the camera. They are not a reference for real technique, and nothing here is instruction. Each kick also has its own lesson page, where Tori slows down, stops on every step, leaves out the flying chips and draws the path of its foot, so you can see how the kick works.
Robot rank: white belt · Easy for robots
Front kick
Mae geri/Ap chagi
Robot target
Uke's chest plate
Lands with
Ball of the foot
What Tori does
Guard. Tori raises its fists and tries very hard to look intimidating.
Chamber. The rear knee rises high in front, like a robot climbing an invisible stair.
Snap. The hips push forward and the lower leg snaps out onto Uke's chest plate.
Recoil. The foot snaps straight back, faster than Uke can file a complaint.
Return. Tori puts the foot down behind it and raises its guard again.
Robot note: Tori pulls its toes back so the ball of the foot lands. Its toes are titanium and it still does it.
Tori has swapped its feet for its fists, which now have real robot fingers. Each punch has its own page: a live 3D demo with slow motion down to ¼×, pause and frame-by-frame controls, and a full breakdown of how the punch works.
Tori invented these ranks, awarded them to itself and printed the certificates on its own chest plate. They mean nothing outside this website, and not much inside it either.
White
Powered on, stood up, did a front kick. A big day.
Stood on one leg for a whole second. Side kick unlocked.
Green
Did two kicks in a row without rebooting.
Blue
Turned its back on Uke on purpose. Back kick unlocked.
Brown
Spun all the way round and still knew which way was forward. Spinning hook kick unlocked.
Black
Firmware 9.0. Still not a real black belt, and never will be.
Robots only
Tori's daily routine
Tori trains every morning. This routine is written for robots. It is not a workout plan for humans, who have far fewer spare parts.
06:00
Boot up
Self-test, calibrate the gyroscope, stare out of the window for 0.3 seconds.
06:02
Oil the joints
Knees, hips and the left ankle it keeps squeaking about.
06:05
Kick Uke
Every kick, punch, knee, elbow and jump, mixed, one thousand times each, and Uke answers every time. Both robots are contractually delighted.
06:40
Sweep up the chips
Every microchip that flew off Uke is collected, tested and soldered back on.
06:55
Meditate
Sits perfectly still and thinks about nothing. Honestly, it's very good at that.
This is a parody. Please don't try it at home.
MartialArtsRobots is entertainment. It is not a martial arts course, not self-defense training and not fitness, medical or safety advice. The robots' moves are simplified, exaggerated and sometimes physically impossible, and they are performed by robots on robots. Don't copy them, don't kick anyone, and don't rely on anything here to learn, teach or practice a martial art. If you want to learn one for real, find a qualified instructor near you and check with a doctor first.
No. MartialArtsRobots is a parody made for fun. Nothing here is instruction, and nothing here will earn you a belt, a rank or bragging rights.
Can I learn to fight or defend myself from this?
No, and please don't try. If you want to learn a martial art or self-defense, learn in person from a qualified instructor. If you are ever in danger, get to safety and contact your local emergency services.
Are the kicks shown correctly?
They are robot interpretations: simplified, exaggerated and tuned to look good on camera. Real techniques differ between styles, schools and bodies, and robot joints bend in ways yours shouldn't. Treat them as cartoons with good lighting.
Does Uke ever kick back?
Yes. After each of Tori's kicks, Uke answers with the same one. Uke fights southpaw, with its right foot forward, so its version is the mirror image of Tori's and kicks with the other leg.
What do the foot speed and impact numbers mean?
They are made-up robot telemetry, worked out from the animation. They don't measure anything real and shouldn't be compared with people.
Is this site connected to a martial arts style or organization?
No. It isn't affiliated with, endorsed by or sponsored by any school, club, style, federation or association. Names such as mae geri and ap chagi are only used to describe the moves.
Is there a slow-motion mode?
Yes. Press Slow motion in the corner of the dojo, pick a speed down to ¼×, or turn on Slow-mo on impact under More options to watch every strike, dodge and flying chip in slow motion while the camera swings around.
Why can't I hear anything?
Sound starts switched off. Press Sound off in the corner of the dojo to turn it on. Every sound is generated live in your browser; nothing is downloaded.
Does the 3D dojo work on my phone?
Yes, in any current browser with WebGL2. Drag across the dojo to turn the camera. If your device can't show 3D, you'll see a drawing of the robots instead.